By BRODIE H. BROCKIE, LEONARD PIERCE, and BEN FLASTER
Thinks Far Out Space Nuts is a documentary.
Will not respond to any sentence that does not begin, "Ground control to Major Tom".
Number of kids: zero. Number of diapers in trunk: 44.
Continuously refers to "going into outer space" on a "rocket ship".
Thinks her shuttle can make the Kessel Run in less than 12 parsecs.
Loudly refers to bowel movements as "launching a probe".
Despite having personally orbited the moon, thinks the Apollo moon landing was fake.
During simulations, keeps trying to launch photon torpedoes.
Compiling a list of Valentine's Day traditions on the Klingon Homeworld.
Always taking advice from the guy who played "Howard" on The Bob Newhart Show
You catch her in the bathroom crushing up astronaut ice cream with a razor blade and snorting it through a crazy straw. That's right, a CRAZY straw - for crazy people.
Insists on safety rope being tied to shuttle, so they can be pulled back in if something goes wrong.
Keeps an invisible magical friend in a bottle.
Every time you ask her what's got her down, she replies "gravity" and then laughs at the pun for a solid 20 minutes. Inexplicably, sometimes answers the same way to "why so blue?"
Personally offended by the Ren and Stimpy cartoon "Space Madness."
Asks for a separation from her husband... in three stages.
Keeps watching the Star Wars special edition, pausing after Greedo tries to shoot Han Solo and then whispering intensely "that's not how it went down. I was there."
She's lost her taste for delicious Tang.