By BEN FLASTER, DUNCAN PFLASTER, RJ WHITE and BRODIE H. BROCKIE

Picking out roses to send to loved ones so they might test their pain threshold by poking themselves with the sharpest thorns.

Mats Zah Blechh- Ritually slaughtering a married woman's children to present your interest in raising a family of your own seed with her.

Passing around little cards with horrible puns like "I want to cling-on you!"

A romantic dinner of Hearts of Targ and Blood Wine, followed by a Bat'leth fight.

Tea Ceremony.

Seeing a performance of the opera Aktuh and Melota.

Eating delicious candy hearts. Also, the hearts of their comrades who fall in battle.

Hating Kirk.

Naked wrestling with one's par'Mach.

Laughing together at the fact that the type of people on earth who bother to learn your fake language will probably never get to celebrate this holiday once in their lonely, lonely lives.

Recitation of the famous Klingon love poem:
"Roses are red,
Foreheads are bumpy,
Let's go back to my place, And make humpy humpy."