By GUTBLOOM, DUNCAN PFLASTER, BRODIE H. BROCKIE and BEN FLASTER
Making a list, checking it twice, killing everyone on list.
"Protecting" Salvation Army bell-ringers.
Piano wire replaced with string of festive lights for strangling.
Playing the "Christmas Story" drinking game - taking a drink of spiked eggnog every time someone says "you'll shoot your eye out" and then shooting someone's eye out.
Cutting holes in the ice in order to facilitate people sleeping with the fishes.
Putting horse heads in open sleighs.
Topping the wrapped bodies in their trunks with festive bows.
Sending a Hanukkah card to that nice Jewish Accountant who launders ones money.
Special inter-family tradition of stealing truck delivery of season's hottest toys, to divvy up between all their kids.
Dressing a snitch up as a snowman, then leaving him til spring.
Nativity scenes personalized with "Three Wise Guys"
Molls dressed up like Eskimos? Fuggedaboudit!
Leaving out a glass of wine and a little antipasto for Santa.