by BRODIE H. BROCKIE, DUNCAN PFLASTER, BEN FLASTER, MANNING KRULL, GUTBLOOM and CALAMITY JON MORRIS
Lead guitarist's mom complaining that with the band practicing in her basement late into the night she never gets to sleep... with the drummer.
"Band" actually just five unique MySpace accounts registered to one guy with a 24-key Casio keyboard.
Not terribly creative differences.
Though none of the band members ever met or corresponded with her in any way, it's still somehow Yoko's fault.
Thought a couple break-ups would lend them "VH1 Rockumentary Cred."
No one could actually play instruments, and without a TV show, there was no point.
Bass player got all the chicks.
Drummer got all the chicks.
Lead guitar got all the chicks.
Rhythm guitar got all the dudes, including the drummer, who had to go do some soul-searching.
Keyboard player went off to college, lead singer went off to smoke pot on the train tracks.
Hired Ted McGinley as roadie.
Bassist kept submitting songs he "wrote", but was really sheet music to Journey songs with his name written, in crayon, over the original name.
Despite clearly agreeing from the beginning that they would be a D&D metal band, bassist refused to assume the role of cleric to round out the group.
Frozen with liquid nitrogen, struck with small hammer.
Frontman converted to orthodox satanism, which forbids the use of electric instruments.
Sexy lead singer "outgrew" the position.
Could only rhyme so many words with "rock" before nervous, embarassed giggling began.
Guitarist's Uncle Roy insisted on accompanying band, playing made-up instrument he claimed was called "The Intimate Touch-aphone."
Thought a couple of break-ups would lend them "Behind the Music" cred.
Orders from the Vatican.
The drugs eventually wore off, and they realized they didn't sound very good, and in fact the bassist had been playing a lamp plugged into a piece of cheese.
They were too ahead of their time. The world just isn't ready for Klezmer-Core.
Dude, they were just like The Descendents, except instead of medical school, the singer got accepted to The Wanda Trussler School of Beauty.
What band? I don't see any band here.