By Calamity Jon Morris, Brodie H. Brockie, Shek Baker, Leonard Pierce, Justin Vidovic, Duncan Pflaster, and M. Night Gutbloom

When the omelet finally came, it was full of ham instead of bacon, and Margaret never even seemed to notice.

Joanne's father is not only NOT DEAD, he's THE KILLER!

They crucified the wrong Son of God!

It isn't an iceberg, but a bunch of Muslim terrorists disguised as an iceberg!

It was Dee Dee Ramone all along!

It turns out he was having a dream about a guy who tells an imaginary story about a hoax!

It is cake, but -- it is not the cake? WHOSE CAKE? And WHY? The End--?

The cat is both alive AND dead.

All that guessing had been for nothing. There were actually no jelly beans in the jar at all, just millions and millions of brightly-colored alien eggs!

Keanu CAN act, he had just chosen not to!

"Batman" turns out to be a bit of a misnomer. Especially the "man" part. Because he's not a man. He's a woman! Which is different.

This is not a pipe.

The amendment to rule change 867244.12B gets struck down due to a procedural motion approved in a committee meeting that had occured during a general assembly recess!

I guess the truth is that the twist isn't actually much of a dance at all.

Drywall screws turn out to be integral to the task of interior wall construction, despite the inherent difficulty of swallowing them.

After he steps on a butterfly in the prehistoric past, Dr. Smalls goes back to the present and a butterfly beats the living bejesus out of him.

Instead of exploding the sun just kind of lays on its side and farts about six times.

Silly. My head was in the Christmas stocking all along.

At the first sight of the crowning child John collapsed in a chair and remembered the devil's words at the crossroads. He heard what seemed like distant screaming, the hysterical recognition that the glowing Microsoft logo on the top of the baby's head could be seen by everyone else.

Gregor Samsa wakes up in his bed to find himself a monstrous vermin... again.

Eliot looked at 72 virgins approaching him. "There must be some mistake" he said, "I just thought the accelerator was the brake. I didn't mean to drive through the farmer's market." "Quiet, Shahid", said the voice behind the burkha, "take, eat, the fruit of obedience."

The moon and the Earth switch places, but nobody gives a crap except a dozen smug bloggers.

"Do you mean..." asked the Senator, but before he could finish his thought the child with dark eyes finished it for him: "you've been a Republican all along."

"Oh wait", said Death, "I guess our appointment wasn't in Samarra! My bad!".

Darth Vader is YOUR father, too.

While you were reading this list, we just stole your car. HA HA! Bet you didn't see THAT one coming! Sucker!

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