Miles driven in reverse.

Income received from buying alcohol for minors.

Second desserts at AppleBee's.

Fishing line, when used for non-fishing purposes.

Steroids.

Jell-O and/or pudding, when purchased for "charity events".

Birthday phone calls to aunts, uncles, and grandparents.

Portion of money spent on pencils related to eraser wear.

Scarves between eighteen and twenty-four inches, mufflers over sixteen but less than thirty-six, Doctor Who fan costumes in their entirety.

Expenses related to repelling robot invaders.

Purchase of Star Trek: Original Series, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine and Star Trek: Voyager DVD collections (Star Trek films, Next Generation and Enterprise DVD sets are automatically deducted by your employer and included in your W-2).

Paint cans used to huff fumes while writing comedy lists.

Cost of saliva used to seal envelope.

After 7 years, Suzie deducting herself from my life. That bitch.

Laser removal of tattoos incurred in the workplace.

The murderer was actually an orangutan.