By BEN FLASTER, LIZ LENT, GUTBLOOM, SHEK BAKER, and BRODIE H. BROCKIE
That time he passed a kidney stone, and some punk painted it up like an egg.
Santa's agent got him that clause about only good kids getting presents, but everybody gets to have eggs.
Vegans throwing red paint at him and calling him murderer.
Hopping all over the damned place, he's on his third hip.
The Halloween lobby.
Years when Easter, Orthodox Easter, and Gay Easter fall on the same day.
Oldsters on the bunny trail.
The memory of not getting some money out of Richard Adams before acting as a "consultant" on "Watership Down".
Churchies always reminding people that Jesus is the real reason for the holiday when the bunny's the one who has been carrying the whole show on his back for the last 2000+ years.
The smell of vinegar.
That bigshot Nestle Quick Rabbit. Sellout.
Robin Williams movies when he tries to be touching.
Jews celebrating Passover; between them and the vandals, material costs for eggs has soared.
The lawyer representing the class-action lawsuit for all those dumb-ass kids who ate plastic grass.
The Nashville Predators.
People who correct his pronunciation of pysanky.
Interviewers who confabulate him with Peter Rabbit.