By BRODIE H. BROCKIE and DUNCAN PFLASTER
Tom Arnold on Dropping the atomic bomb on Japan: "Fat Man and Little Boy? Those are my only options? If I have to get bombed, can't I get bombed by Hot Cheerleader or Vegas Showgirl? Ha ha. Right? Ha ha ha."
Jessica Simpson on Concentration Camps: "I've seen reruns of that on the Game Show Network! Hugh Downs was totally cute back then. Were the camps for, like, practicing for the show? I'd like to buy a vowel... or whatever!"
Dorothy Parker on Casablanca: "Man, I totally wanted to be Elsa, but I would have stayed with Rick. Screw the resistance, or, rather, Screw Humphrey Bogart!"
Richard Belzer on Chuck Yeager breaking the speed of sound: "Back then, he did it on purpose. Now Chuck breaks the speed of sound all the time and he doesn't even know he's doing it, if you know what I mean."
Kevin Sorbo on Bing Crosby: "Ba baa bo bo boh. That's my Bing Crosby impersonation."
William S. Burroughs, writer, on Barnaby: "Cushlamochree!"
Hal Sparks on Treasure of the Sierra Madre: "You know what the real treasure of the Sierra Madre was? Humphrey Bogart's ascot."
Michael Ian Black on wartime cartoons: "Disney and Warner Brothers were making cartoons with their characters at war. Really, Donald Duck had been killing Japanese people for years, it just wasn't until Pearl Harbor that they felt they could make a show out of it. They used to just bury them quietly in the backlot."
Sandy Coufax, Jewish baseball legend on the novel A Tree Grows in Brooklyn: "Didn't buy it. I'm from Brooklyn, and there's no friggin' trees!"
Timothy Busfield on the Forties: "I don't actually love the 40s. Sorry."