By RJ WHITE, CALAMITY JON MORRIS, DUNCAN PFLASTER, SEAN OSMAN, GUTBLOOM, BEN FLASTER, and BRODIE H. BROCKIE
Actually more like "Ten Thousand, Four Hundred Little Pieces."
While Frey's claim to have banged Oprah Winfrey appears to be true, DNA tests disprove the claim that Tiger Woods is their illegitimate son.
Not actually related to Amber.
Charles Lindbergh did not really run for president in the 1930s, ushering in a wave of rampant anti-Semitism.
The souls of people brought to Earth and exterminated by Xenu using hydrogen bombs hundreds of millions of years ago, currently infesting the body of everyone on the planet and causing bad thoughts and faulty memories are called "body thetans," not "body zetans."
"Mirror Universe" crewmembers of the starship Enterprise were not actually "the real ones," despite Frey's claim that such a twist would "totally blow your mind."
Despite appearances, he is actually a piece of string, and not a frey'd knot.
Everybody knows the trouble he's seen, except, oddly, Jesus.
Details of his songwriting partnership with Elvis Costello were actually lifted verbatim from "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians."
Porterhouse, Frey's alleged prison compatriot, was actually just a cube steak.
As he says in the sequel, Frey's penis was not severed by a French hotel maid. It is hanging by one cocaine soaked thread.
In addition to having chicken pox in his mug shot, police said he also had, "Just about the worst case of crabs you or I or God has ever seen."
Was not the inspiration for "Wind Beneath My Wings"
Did not feed himself for a month sneaking into dairy farms and drinking straight from the udder, until he developed lactose intolerance. Is, in fact, just generally intolerant.
Did not smoke crack and saw what he though was God, but turned out to be a piņata. Sadly, it was the opposite way around.
Was not actually the uncredited inspiration for Richard Pryor's character in "Superman III".
Did not invent the toenail clipper.
Is actually a gourmet cook. Wild Bean and Mushroom Risotto is his specialty.
His father didn't pick him up from rehab in a stretch limo. It was a regular limo.
All that hugging at the end. It wasn't really hugging. It was more like... well, shaking hands.
Did not go off to school like he promised his humble woodcutting father he would, but instead was ran away to be an entertainer at the suggestion of two cats of ill repute.