By MANNING KRULL, GUTBLOOM, BRODIE H. BROCKIE, BEN FLASTER, and JUSTIN VIDOVIC
Teenage "huffing" craze has significantly increased demand!
Decepticons are loading great quantities of gas into energon cubes to fuel their return voyage to Cybertron.
Demand always goes up in summer as America's kids gas up their Slip N' Slides.
Monsanto, the world's leading genetically modified food corporation, recently released a report that genetically modified soy beans have taken to drinking large quantities of gasoline.
You're not just paying for gas, you're also paying for all the attention and friendly service you get from gas station attendants.
Dick Cheney now owns all the oil in Iraq and he pretty much just uses it grease himself up like a pig for White House football games.
The gas prices had a lot of drama in their life they didn't want to deal with and needed an escape. And it's really more of a "buzz."
Hostess is using too much petroleum in their Twinkies.
Recent initiatives to fund research into renewable environmentally sound energy sources has made America's local family owned oil farms go belly up.
For the past few years, gas companies have noticed that, as they raise prices, people complain, but then demand, in fact, goes up. Then, like a dog who continuously has food placed in front of it, they continue to make more money, raise prices, and make even more. It is a close kept secret that, as of April, a majority of oil executives sit in a corner of their home rolling back and forth, clawing at their skin and crying "Why?!?" over and over. Crying and rolling on giant piles of money, but still.
Because we need to bring Freedom to the Iranian people.
Because everyone can't stop driving to the movies to see this summer's wonderful bounty of Hollywood entertainment.
It's that dastardly old man McKlintey!
Lots of gasoline that would've gone into car's tanks now going into hipster hairdos.
It's quite simple, really. The important thing to watch is the trade deficit and the strength of the dollar. When the trade deficit widens, the dollar loses value against the bhat, forcing the Chinese to dump dollars and buy energy futures on the commodities market... all of which adversely affects bond prices. Your 401K just became a 4013B, because the currency exchanges in Eritrea are the best leading indicator for real estate markets on the west coast... which follow fuel prices. Got that? Good.