By BRODIE H. BROCKIE

McGruff the Crime Dog's nephew and former sidekick, Scruff, was shot to death while the pair raided a crack house in 1995.

McGruff the Crime Dog loves shoving his gun into a perp's mouth and growling, "take a bite out of THIS" right before pulling the trigger.

McGruff the Crime Dog was genetically engineered by the government to be a man-dog hybrid that they intended to raise as the perfect cop. For reasons as yet-unknown, McGruff the Crime Dog was the only one of his litter to survive. President Clinton cut the program's funding during his first term, condemning McGruff the Crime Dog to a solitary life as the ONLY living Crime Dog.

McGruff's the Crime Dog's first partner, O'Growl the Misconduct Bear, was killed in the line of duty just a weak before his retirement. McGruff the Crime Dog still hunts for his killer.

Before becoming a spokesdog against crime, McGruff the Crime Dog spent a few years as a fudge mascot (with the catchphrase "take a bite out of fudge!").

McGruff the Crime Dog used to date Lassie. When they broke up, McGruff the Crime Dog's single terse statement to the press was, "I've already got 99 problems."

McGruff the Crime Dog dabbles in macrame.

McGruff the Crime Dog constantly tells the same lame joke about how being a cop gives him the excuse to fully indulge his instinct to face cars.

McGruff the Crime Dog was neutered against his will by a crazed Bob Barker in 2004. Two years later, McGruff the Crime Dog returned the favor.

McGruff the Crime Dog has declined several promotions in order to continue pounding the pavement (and visiting fire hydrants).

If one dog year equals seven human years, and McGruff the Crime Dog is half dog/half human, then one McGruff the Crime Dog year is equal to 3.5 human years. Therefore, as of this writing, McGruff the Crime Dog is 105 years old. And STILL kicking butts and taking names. You go, grandpa!

McGruff the Crime Dog cannot watch the Police Academy movies without constantly griping about how they get proper police procedure all wrong.

Thanks to the tireless efforts of McGruff the Crime Dog there is no more crime.