By DAVID ANDREWS, BEN FLASTER, ADAM WATSON, BRODIE H. BROCKIE, and CALAMITY JON MORRIS

Marco Polo
200 Meter Stich'n'Bitch
The Dine and Dash
The Synchronized Battery Toss (orig. Oakland CA Olympics)
Dodge'Em Cars
The Bicuriousathalon
Mortal Kombat
Seven Minutes in Heaven
3-legged Race
Molotov Cocktail Throw
Oddjob Bowler-Toss
Ice-Skating
Staring Contest
Jinx!
Snot rocket (distance and height divisions)
Syncronized Solitaire
Nipple Ring Clean N' Jerk
Water Polio
Speed Texting
U.S.A. Hate-athalon
Butter Churning (Individual)
Butter Churning (Relay)
Bringin' It On
Global Warming
Ethnic Cleansing
Beer Pong
Light Cycles
Pick-Up Sticks
Individual and Team Charades
Synchronized Walking
Arhythmic Gymnastics
T-Ball
Precision Googling
Unicathlon
Gift Wrapping
Red Rover
Full-Contact Lawn Bowling
Javelin Relay
Pit Spitting
Knife Throwing
Limbo
Chili Cooking
Jellybean Jar Guessing
Lock Picking
Rubik’s Cubing
Cannonball Diving
Celebrity Jeopardy
Marathon Blogging
Comedy List Writing