By David Andrews, Brodie Brockie, Ray Ingraham, Adam Watson

"They told me it was temporary."

"Mommy said the president took away my insurance."

"Ever try to Heimlich a guy? Neither did my wife."

"Three words. 'Ladies'. Locker. Room.'"

"The line for Hell was long and slow."

"Cubs fan."

"As a former Klansman, the savings on wardrobe were too good to ignore."

"I got a rock."

"The ability to levitate saves me 45 minutes each way on my commute."

"Eh, the usual- haunting the guy who killed me and got away with it."

"I wanted to make sure no one was touchin' my stuff."

"I never got the chance to redeem my winning Monopoly gamepiece for a free Egg McMuffin."

"Why am I a what? Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"I can't get enough of that smokin' Mrs. Muir."

"That's 'apparition' to you, bub."

"Unpaid 65 cent library fine."

"I was in heaven an hour before 'you-know-who' knew I was dead. When he showed up to collect, I kicked him where it counts and bolted."