By DAVID ANDREWS and BEN FLASTER
Favorite stuff the dentist scraped off my teeth last Wednesday
Favorite crayons named for shades of pus
Guantanamo detainees pet peeves
Things I have learned watching “The View”
Top reasons I love my 8 5 office job
Alternate uses for Lysol
Favorite room temperatures
Best moments from my recent prostate exam
Things the smell of mildew reminds me of
Top diseases most likely to kill you based on your family history
Air Supply Mix Tape Suggestions
Favorite Mucus Varieties
Great office memo typos from August 2005
Weekly staff meeting highlights
Funniest things overheard while standing in line at the DMV
Running mates for Fred Thompson
Subtitles for new Mannequin sequel
Uses for a toilet brush besides cleaning toilets
Pornographic actor names based on political figures
Top dessert varieties featuring jalapeno
Favorite alternate dance moves to the Macarena
Favorite things about my upcoming redeployment to Fallujah
Most unironically funny lines from Battlefield Earth
Most memorable static shocks
Worst Ideas For a Comedy List