Favorite stuff the dentist scraped off my teeth last Wednesday

Favorite crayons named for shades of pus

Guantanamo detainees pet peeves

Things I have learned watching “The View”

Top reasons I love my 8 ­ 5 office job

Alternate uses for Lysol

Favorite room temperatures

Best moments from my recent prostate exam

Things the smell of mildew reminds me of

Top diseases most likely to kill you based on your family history

Air Supply Mix Tape Suggestions

Favorite Mucus Varieties

Great office memo typos from August 2005

Weekly staff meeting highlights

Funniest things overheard while standing in line at the DMV

Running mates for Fred Thompson

Subtitles for new Mannequin sequel

Uses for a toilet brush besides cleaning toilets

Pornographic actor names based on political figures

Top dessert varieties featuring jalapeno

Favorite alternate dance moves to the Macarena

Favorite things about my upcoming redeployment to Fallujah

Most unironically funny lines from Battlefield Earth

Most memorable static shocks

Worst Ideas For a Comedy List