By Brodie H. Brockie, Justin Vidovic, Anne Moloney, Duncan Pflaster, and Ben Flaster (no relation)

MORNING:

7:00
Rhesus' Pieces
(Children Entertainment/Variety) Billy makes friends with "Cookie Human".

9:00
The Ape Team
(CBN: Chimpanzee Broadcasting Network) When Howler Monkey Murdoch is captured by a group of renegade humans, Face has to trick B.A. onto an airplane by shooting his knee caps off.

10:00
Simian and Simian
(MBS) A.J. Simian is a polished fellow with a taste for classic cars and tailored suits. Rick Simian is his less refined (but still pleasant) older brother who has a taste for cowboy boots and four-wheel drive pickups.
Episode: “Human on my Back”, Simian and Simian break up a drug ring.

11:00
Cooking with Zira
(Food) Jesus, banana bread again?
Nitpicking
(Talk show) Hosted by Bill Macaque. Guests include the Mandrill Sisters.

AFTERNOON:

1:00
LOOK: Bananas!
(Food) Various shots of different delicious-looking bananas. They sure look good, don't they? Yummy Yum! (R)

2:00
Ape-Mazing Stories!!
(sci-fi) A particularly slow and inarticulate chimpanzee claims to have traveled back in time to ancient human civilization where his monkey-prowess earned him the title of "ruler of the free world."

3:00
The Law Giver
(Court TV) Continuing coverage of the Bubbles the Chimp trial

3:30
Tricycle Racing
(Entertainment and Sporting Primates Network) It's Bobo vs. Toughie in the finals. Today's outfits: sailor suits.

4:00
Kokoprah
(4:00 PM, talk) Today, how to make your butt look younger and bluer in just a few simple steps.

5:00
TRL on M(onkey)TV
Dancing Human Carson Daly shows latest videos from P. Chimpy, Sidealley Simians, ChimpanZZ Top, Orangu-Tang Clan, and others.

5:30
Monkeys and Typewriters
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7:00
Gibbon's Decline and Fall of the Human Empire
(History/Archeology) We unearth artifacts of our primitive ancestors.

VH1
Classic music from The Monkees, the Ba Na Nas, the Dung Beatles, and Parliament Monkadelic.

PRIMATE TIME

8:00
King Kong of Queens
(ApeBC) Distraught over constant jokes made about his obesity by his life mate and neighbors, Dougie goes into Manhattan to climb the biggest building he can find, and also to pick up some hot dogs and frozen bananas on the way (because he is fat).

The Apes of Wrath
(Reality Show, SBC) Practical jokes on unsuspecting apes.

9:00
Gilmore Gorillas
(WB) When Dean confronts Jesse about his obvious interest in Rory, Jesse throws his poop. Lorelie finds out and cautions Rory about spending too much time with "hoodlum" Jesse. Rory reassures her mom, but at the school debate the next day, she throws her poop at Paris, seriously hurting her chances to get into Harvard. (R)

Ally MaCaque
(NBC: Nothing Bores Chimps) A very skinny and partially delusional macaque monkey searches for love in the court room. (Series PREMIERE)

10:00
The Ape-rentice
(MBC) This week the team of gibbons compete against the team of chimpanzees in to see which can earn the most money from passing pedestrians by dancing to tunes played by an organ grinder. The losing team will have to meet with the Alpha male to see which will be sent back into the jungle. As always, the Alpha Male will indicate which has displeased him the most with his patented poo-flinging maneuver.

24 (Monkeys Jumping on the Bed)
(CBN) Shot in real time. In this episode, Monkey #2 and Monkey #6 fall off and bump their heads. (R)

LATE NIGHT

11:00
Welcome to the Monkey House
(MTV) (Reality) Famous monkeys show off their cribs.

Monkeys for Nothing (and Your Chimps for Free)
(TV movie, PBC) A young monkey becomes a rock ‘n’ roll star, but eventually loses the monkey he loves.

1:00
The Humanmonkey
(Movie) (Horror) After being cursed by a gypsy, Joe-Joe starts noticing strange things happening to him during the full moon. He finds himself walking the streets at night upright: pink, hairless, stupid, and nearly immobile. (half a star)

2:00
Planet of the Invertebrates
(Sci-FI) Through the use of an ancient metal relic, a contemporary of Dr. Zaius travels to a distant, yet oddly familiar planet where invertebrates, not Apes, rule.

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