Crash and Burn

A conversation in a bar with Wedge Antilles
Overheard by Ben Flaster

Wedge:Hey there.

Girl: Umm…. Hi. Do I know you?

Wedge: Maybe you’ve heard of me, Wedge Antilles?

Girl: No… no, sorry. What do you do?

Wedge: I’m a pilot for the Rebellion.

Girl: Oh, do you fly a carrier?

Wedge: No, I’m a fighter pilot. Y’know, Snow speeders, X-Wings...

Girl: Oh, do you know Luke Skywalker?!?!

Wedge: Yeah, actually, I’ve flown with him a bunch of times. At Yavin, I was his wingman flying down the main trench.

Girl: And you didn’t get shot down?

Wedge: Actually, funny thing, my fighter got hit, but it just took out an engine, so I had to drop back and return to base.

Girl: Uh-huh.

Wedge: Yeah, and then on Hoth, when Luke’s harpoon jammed, I had to use mine to take out an AT-AT. I wrapped my tow line around its legs, and when it fell over, we shot it in its exposed areas.

Girl: You took out an AT-AT?

Wedge: Yep.

Girl: With a Snow Speeder?

Wedge: Pretty impressive, don’t you think?

Girl: I don’t know, that doesn’t sound possible. I know Luke took one out on foot, but he’s a Jedi, y’know?

Wedge: Yes. Yes, I know, he’s a Jedi.

(Girl turns back to bar.)

Wedge: Well, did you hear how I led the battle against the New Death Star, and I took out it’s core?

Girl: There was another Death Star?

Wedge: Oh yeah, it was still under construction, but we destroyed it before it was completed.

Girl: That doesn’t seem too hard, blowing up something under construction...

Wedge: Hey, that thing was operational!

Girl: Yeah, I kinda remember now hearing about that, but didn’t the Millenium Falcon blow up the core?

Wedge: Well… yeah, but I took out the force field generator, because I was the first one in there...

Girl: Yeah, sure you were.

Wedge: I was Red Leader on that mission!!

Girl: Yeah, nice try creep. (Turning to Friend) Why do these jerks always try these lines? Why is it so hard to find an honest, hard-working guy?

Wedge: Hello...? Hey, could I maybe buy you a drink?

(Girl ignores him)

Wedge: Damnit.