Red Six Writes Home

By Porkins
transcribed by Brodie H. Brockie

Dear Mom,

Thank you so much for the care package you sent with the brownies last week. They were delicious, of course, and a wonderful reminder of home. All the same, I have to ask you to please not send any more.

For that matter, I've got to ask you to stop sending me any sweets. No more cookies, no more fudge, no more womp rat delights. The weight loss has not been going very well, and Red Leader has told me if I gain any more he's going to kick me off the squad. Not that he's really going to have to anyway, a couple more pounds and I'm not going to be able to squeeze into my X-Wing's cramped cockpit any more.

You know what the guys have started calling me? Porkins. I didn't want to tell you about that, but I think I really have to to get the point across this time about sending the baked goods. I know you mean well, but I can't stand the nickname anymore. They've been calling me Porkins for so long now that a lot of the newer recruits actually think it's my last name. "Jek Porkins." Right, like the only fat pilot in all the Alliance is going to be named "Porkins." That's as stupid as a really greedy guy being named "Greedo" or something.

I know you've always said I'm beautiful just the way I am and that I shouldn't worry about what other people say, but it hurts, Ma. I try to ignore it, but I just can't. I laugh it off with the boys and play along like I don't mind, but I do. My astromech droid even called me Porkins the other day. I couldn't believe it when I saw the text pop up in my readout.

Again, I really appreciate all the time and love you put into every treat you send me, but it's got to stop. The brownie I just finished is the last one I'll ever eat, I've decided. I've got to turn my life around. It's important work I'm doing here with the Rebellion and I need to keep at it. We're about to go on an important mission to blow up something they're calling The Death Star. I'm excited. I'll write you and let you know how it went when I get back.

your loving son,
Jek "Porkins" Smith

PS: My best to dad.