Dear Johnbacca

By Mallatobuck
translated by Brodie H. Brockie

My dearest Chewbacca,

It is with heavy heart that I write you today. I have been shedding severely for the past week from nervousness over writing this letter, I had hoped to find a way to convince myself not to do this, but I must. I must ask you permission to break the bonds of our marriage, to sever our ties as sacred lifemates, to release me from our oaths.

Chewbacca, I want a divorce.

Do not think that I don't love you, sweet Chewie. I do love you. I've loved you since our first date together when we picked ticks out of each other's fur and dined on them together under a blanket of stars.

Do not think that I do not admire you, Chewie. I do. You are performing a great service to wookiees everywhere and to the galaxy as a whole. I have heard great tales of you tossing imperial stormtroopers around like rag dolls and sending tiny wheeled droids scurrying away from you on the Death Star with but a growl.

What I have come to realize is that I would rather be married to a good mate who is here with me than a great hero and amazing lover who is off somewhere in the far-reaches of the galaxy... and I have found someone. He is only a human, but he is kind and he is caring. True, I will need to be very gentle with him, should the time ever come that we would be intimate together (be assured that we have not been). I will miss our wild Wookiee passion. But, truth is, I already have been missing it for years. The love I have for him is a quiet love. It can never match the fire I felt for you, my mighty Chewbacca, but that fire seems like it belongs to a long time ago, in a galaxy far, far away.

Our son needs a father. He has grown sullen and somber. The trader Saun Dann (the man who I have spoken about) has always been kind to our little Lumpawarrump. I know that he will never replace you. I know that he will never fill your bandoliero but he is here. We are lucky if we see you once a year on Life Day.

You will be angry to read this, but I believe that anger will pass. When I have brought up concerns about your absence before, you have spoken of owing a life-debt to Han Solo, but what of your debt to your wife and your son? I have come to believe that the real reason you remain with Solo on the Millennium Falcon is that that is where you truly want to be. For you, facing tie-fighters and bounty hunters is far less frightening than facing the responsibilities of a husband and a father.

You are a great hero, my Chewbacca, but you are a lousy husband.

With love,