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Yesterday, July 21, 2000

Hairy here. Never let it be said that I don't listen to my readers. I have been listening. First there was the review on Monday, then Papa Dork's defense on Tuesday, and then yesterday when I humbly requested pwesents... None of which made anybody very happy.

Apparantly some of y'all out there consider old Hairy Knavel to be a kind of reporter, like Clark Kent, but this week... I feel more like Jimmy Olsen did when he took the bottled City of Kandor out to be cleaned. You see... Jimmy just thought he was cleaning one of Superman's trophies, but really the bottle held a shrunken city from Krypton full of little Kryptonians, and Jimmy's thorough rinsing and scrubbing and bleaching killed millions.

Just like Jimmy... I thought I was doing something good. There was a movie we all wanted to know something about... so when I had the chance to see it, I took it. I never thought an all-expense paid trip to Hollywood might sway my feelings. Honestly... I still don't think it did. But maybe in the future... I should me more careful about appearances.

Luckily, THE FLASH let Superman borrow his time-travelling Cosmic Treadmill and he went back in time to stop Jimmy from cleaning Kandor. Unfortunately, your pal Hairy doesn't have a Cosmic Treadmill... and... even if I did, I don't think I could run fast enough to go back in time. So, even though I can't make my so-called "mistakes" go away... I can try to do better in the future.

And to help me do so. Here are my new.

1. Never again will I accept a free plane ride or hotel stay from a studio for a film I plan on reviewing. Should a studio wish to fly me anywhere (to a film set or to interview directors or beautiful buxom starlets), they may, but not for reviews. For reviews, they must send me a videocassette to my home. Or maybe they could stage a big premiere in my hometown for all my friends and neighbors to come to... that would be fun!)
2. I will not accept roles in films I plan to review (unless, of course, it's a George Lucas movie. Come one, I' m only human. George, are you listening? Maybe it's time Jabba the Hutt had a little brother).
3. I will never again beg for pwesents on this site. Should you want to get me a pwesent, you will have to pick out a gift on your own or write me privately for a list.
4. The site will only run news from established sources who give me their real names and contact information (unless the news is just TOO GOOD! Sometimes our moles find out GREAT STUFF. You don't expect me to ignore KING OF THE BRACELETS information just because I don't know if the mole is really just a film fan or secreatly a studio mouthpiece, do you?)

Now that takes care of me. As for Papa Dork, well... he came off a little strong the other day... but really he's just a pussycat. Also, his new medication seems to be working much better, and he no longer believes he is being followed by Cylons. No, none of the people banished from Back Talk the other day will be allowed back, but he'll try not to banish so many next time he has one of his... episodes. I hope that clears everything up. Come on back tomorrow for the new era of It Ain't Cool in the Basement sterling journalistic integrity!

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Good idea 2000-07-22 05:41:08
enough already 2000-07-22 06:16:21
J.O. 2000-07-22 06:18:01
no problemo 2000-07-22 06:29:13
"list of rules" title 2000-07-22 06:38:21
Citizen "Kane"?? 2000-07-22 06:29:13
J.O. rules! 2000-07-22 05:41:08
Flying Newsroom? 2000-07-22 05:41:08
the subject 2000-07-22 05:41:08
Jimmy! 2000-07-22 05:41:08
Why? 2000-07-22 05:41:08
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