"a shovel, an open grave, and one foot in"
for 15 June 2001. Updated every SO OFTEN.

Death Watch


Last week, Suck.com announced that after six years of updating every WEEKDAY with well-written, intelligent, biting social commentary, it was going on vacation, the same sort of vacation usually reserved for dissidents in the old Soviet Union.

Sure, six years isn't exactly ancient, but web years are kind of like dog years and a site that's been around for over half a decade seems like a loyal hound that you always expect to be there, slobbering and wagging it's tail and sticking its nose in your crotch. To belabor a tired metaphor even further, you're always surprised when what looked like a still-vibrant canine suddenly drops dead from a case of the mange.

But if there is a heaven for quality humor websites, Suck won't be playing its harp solo. Icebox.com is already there, unable to stay alive despite having cutting-edge cartoons made by actual animation professionals and resurrecting our favorite horrible racial stereotypes. Even the people that turned a cheaply-produced public-access show into a hit cable program that ran for nine years couldn't make their web venture last even a year.

Is it just that there are too many professional jokesters already cramming the web with worthwhile humor? Obviously not. There's The Onion, Modern Humorist, and McSweeney's, each of whom exist in large part because they support or co-exist with products made from real dead trees that you can hold in your real hands and, more importantly, have to part with real money to get. Aside from a few promising amateurs, or unintentionally hilarious exhibitionists who just want to share, where else can we point our browsers for free mirth?

Maybe nowhere. Maybe the lesson is that in the future, we're going to have to pay. Or maybe the web is has become a vast wasteland thatís makes television look like Great Library of Alexandria. Either way, Suck's vacation leaves a hole in the web that all the pop bottle/tinfoil puppets in the world can't fill. It also leaves us wondering just whos going to drop next.

Good thing we never expected to make a dime off this thing in the first place. Anybody want to buy a T-Shirt?


courtesy of The Capsters


Copyright © 2001 Amalgamated Humor, Inc. All rights reserved.