Steve Huey

Steve died in 1984. In 1986 he was accepted into Harvard Law School and also joined the American Bar Association for lawyers. He was kicked out for his views on politics and Viet Nam which were controversial in the extreme due to all-night nude debating sessions which were attended by former President Calvin Coolidge and Calvin Coolidge's dog and inhuman quantities of opium. Then Steve turned to his own line of stylish fragrances which he still owns and operates today despite lingering resentment from the fat cats on Capitol Hill.

I am real! Do you like fudge?

Do not take away my slippers, please. I need them. They are for my feet. Why will you not listen? I wish I had never been born here.

Steve enjoys ratchet sets and clicking noises. He can be found in the hardware section at the local Handy Sam's superstore, ratcheting parts and smiling at the clicking sounds. You should see him smile. It is beautiful and lights up the parking lot.

Steve cannot be bothered at this moment. Please, go away. No, really. Iım sorry, he simply cannot be bothered. Why will you not listen, little girl? Oh, no. Okay. Just this once. No, okay. We will just open this door and oh my god.

Drop to the floor! Did you drop to the floor? Did your head get cut off? I tried to warn you. Stupid.

Eat snake meat. You will rid the world of evil, and boy oh boy will you get your protein.

Enjoy Steve in the new flavor-fresh pouch. And now, a word from our sponsor.

Just kill me. Kill me if you do not give me back my slippers. I cannot live without those slippers. They are the softest of all. Please do not restrain me. I cannot bear another injection.

Steve is full of exciting new ideas which he hopes to share with an eager public. We think you will be glad to share them too. We think it will give you a warm feeling deep in your hearts. Bounce with happiness.

Floors are an important part of any home, as they hold everything up. Your many objects cannot come to rest unless there is a floor to support them. You would be left with a load of unruly objects trying to abide by natureıs gravitational forces but unable to follow the true intent of God's wonderful plan. Install a floor in your home now. You should do it.

Try warm butter in your partner's armpits. It feels nice.

That Steve, he a hardcore honky. He crazy. Steve eat yo mxthxxfxxkixg food right off yo goxxamn plate.

I like toast but my toaster smokes so I make it on the grill. Then I make salmon on toast.

Steve does not believe in well-being. Steve believes in love! Steve will have your babies for money.

Giddy pleasures come from Steve. Enjoy them, like a river of sweet candy.

Steve tries hard. He tries hard enough that you should give him the benefit of the doubt. Even when he is not trying very hard at all. All he wants is warm love. Give it him. Go on. Don't be shy. Go on. Oh, you need coaxing, donıt you love. Yes, yes. Warm love. There now, thatıs a pip.

Oh god please not the paddles not the shock not the electricity again oh please god just give me back my slippers that's all I want is my slippers and you just throw me around like I was some kind of animal an animal that doesn't even wear slippers but I wear slippers and you treat me like this I just want it all to end in darkness eternal darkness and there will be no more of this no more of you no more slippers no more buzzing in my head that makes me not think and not look up for a long time no more of anything god just let me go.

Eat Steve! Eat of his flesh! Become one with his being! Please, do not eat Steve.

Steve fits the popular trends of the day. Steve works hard to consciously maintain his image in the minds of the public. Steve is friendly and cordial in interviews. Steve is well-spoken and smooth without revealing too much of himself. Steve is modest and humble when accolades are heaped upon him. Steve cannot imagine life without an audience. Steve will provide entertainment for anyone who wants to be entertained. Steve will help them forget.


copyright 2001 - Monkey and a Typewriter Productions