"Where joints go creak in toothless bodies, and strange and depressing sounds echo through the halls. Wherever memories flicker though the bodies are deathly still. That is the time that old people are present, practicing their bingo with moderate delight. Welcome, foolish youngsters to THE RETIREMENT MANSION!"

This is the welcoming spiel that greets parkgoers brave enough to enter the most frightening attraction in Cap'n Wacky World. Take a disturbing gaze into your future as vacant-eyed wraiths reach toward your ride vehicle from their tiny rooms, the sickly smell of chemical disinfectent fills the air, and nonsensical cackles can be heard from behind closed doors.

Be extra careful as you near the exit or a senior citizen (maybe one of the famous Hitchhiking Old Folks) may try to FOLLOW YOU HOME! OOOooOOooOoooo!!!

To hear a sound clip recorded in the halls of The Retirement Manion, click on the play button below (or you can right click here to download an MP3 or just regular click to go to a page that will just play it.):

Click here to get "Retirement Mansion" shirts and other merchandise. For real.

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