June 30, 2005
The 4 horse! Nobody bets the 4 horse, Trotter. The 4 horse is a joke. They let little kiddies on the 4 horse to have their picture taken.
Happy blowing up gunpowder weekend, everyone! Be sure to revisit our big, festive Fourth of July section but don't get your sparklers close to the monitor so that it melts.
Also, in honor of the holiday, a couple of lists, as the usual folks come up with new patriotic dishes and a heated partisan debate over the traditional picnic.
What's that? It's the first of the month? Why, so it is! That means it's time for another Disgruntled Employee of the Month.
Now get out there and overdose on potato salad and Tab.
June 24, 2005
... if these beasts could leap from their cages, free to sing, free to frolic, free to... ROLLER SKATE!
Okay, now into the Bewitched theme week!
No, no, none of that. We're done with those for awhile. Instead, more lists! Rich Piepho has problems with lamp dealers, while this week's big old collaborative list offers suggestions for bringing more folks into the old zoo.
Also, this week, there just happen to be several films which Zonar does not like one bit, no sir.
June 17, 2005
Batman Begins... To Sing?
Cap'n Batman welcomes you to a special Bat-tastic installment of Batman-related comedic diversions.
In our comix section, What's in YOUR Utility Belt offers a disturbing look at Bat-fans while our newest list shows you Things Batman Does To Keep Busy While Waiting For Crimes.
Plus, revisit Cap'n Classics A Scene From the Gotham City Art Museum and the list that's kind of a stretch to consider Batman related, Questions Bats Are Sick of Being Asked at Parties.
I saw the new Batman movie last night. Maybe my expectations were too high, maybe I had just heard too many times about how great it was, but I was kind of disappointed. My chief complaints:
1. Lead actor just too young to be Batman
2. Costume deviates too much from traditional design
3. Special effects were flashy and distracting
4. Addition of "Lava Girl" character completely unnecessary.
June 10, 2005
Fun things to read while waiting for the Michael Jackson verdict
Boy, are we tired around the Amalgamated Humor Offices this week. A big storm knocked out the power for about a day and with the freezers not working, we were about to lose an awful lot of cheap meat. Company Presidents Mr. White and Mr. Brockie made us all stay late and eat as much meat as we could as the cafeteria staff worked feverishly to prepare it all before it went bad.
Still, though, we had time to prepare some comedy for you. In Flotsam and Jetsam, the first entry due to our recent call for submissions, it's the story of Muscleface: The Boxer with the Heart of Gold.
Meanwhile, over in lists, we learn how America's favorite couch-hopper would advise his fellow celebs in Helpful Advice From Tom Cruise and stop in for a bite to eat of Selected Items at My Jimmy-Buffet-Themed Restaurant Chain Which Will Oepn Next Year and Will Not Be Named "Margaritaville".
And if you're worried about what to do if you're in a seasonable storm, check out the Cap'n Classic Storm Safety Tips. Here's one more tip not featured on that page: do NOT try to eat more than a pound of bacon by yourself.
June 02, 2005
Everybody needs a second chance
Whew. Is it finally over? All the space robot stuff? Thank goodness. It still smells like Doritos in here.
Okay, back to business. First off, as startling as that news no one but Watergate junkies and the media cared about this week was, we have an even more shocking story. You hear it here first:
XXXXX CAPNSLOG REPORT... XXXXX
IDENTITY OF REAL DEEP THROAT REVEALED
XXXXXX MUST CREDIT CAPNSLOG REPORT... XXXXX
Developing....
For those of you too young to remember the last time this guy caused us trouble it was during the 2000 election. Also, his T-shirt is available here amongst other items in other items in the Wackystore.
Also, a brand new list by some funny folks and this month's Disgruntled Employee.
Got that? Good.