February 24, 2005
"So finally, and for what he must have thought the best of reasons, he ended things with a shotgun."
One of this country's best Reporters passed on this week and here is what may have been his last report.
Love him or hate him, the man had a definite impact on our culture and how it's covered.
February 22, 2005
Ol' Oak Chompers
Now that the annual traffic surge is dying down from The Gallery of Unfortunate Valentines, it's time for all our loyal readers to have just as much fun with our second most popular February card section, The Gallery of Unfortunate Washington's Birthday Cards. Enjoy. If you can.
February 17, 2005
Uat-who, now?
Carter has a newfound sense of freedom on the Amalgablog, which is probably not going to be a good thing for the company, in the long run.
But what do I care? I'm just the omnicient voice of the front page update box! The comings and goings of the people who run this company and this web site matter not to me! I am divorced from their petty lives! I see all! I report on all but none know my true form!
I am cursed to eternally observe, but never meddle in their affairs.
I am so lonely.
February 11, 2005
Welcome dateless wonders
Sure, most people love Fridays because, of course, new episodes of JAG, but you, the discerning entertainment seeker come here to the Cap'n.
Our hateful alien friend Zonar supplies us with more Reviews of Movies I Have No Intention of Seeing today.
Meanwhile, over in Flotsam & Jetsam, Things I Needed to Know That I Did Not Learn in Kindergarten.
Oh, and I think Valentines Day might be coming up.
In the news, Prince Charles is finally making an honest woman out of Cammy Bowles, but they're never going to let her be the queen. If you have a suggestion for an alternate title, please let us know in our forum.
February 09, 2005
2/9/2005 - only one holiday will be left alive
TODAY! Two holidays collide in a vicious battle to the death!
ASH WEDNESDAY
VS.
CHINESE NEW YEAR
It's Ash Wednesday's amazing fire powers vs. Chinese New Year's unbelievable Kung Fu skills! Who will emerge triumphant? Ash Wednesday will never reLENT! Chinese New Year will never (egg) drop!
THERE CAN BE ONLY ONE!
Pick your side!
February 04, 2005
New today, Gary Newbrunswick interviews our Disgruntled Employee of the Month, Senator Thomas Fenton. Wait, who? Oh crap.
And with Valentines Day coming up, why not revisit Cap'n Wacky's Boatload of Love, featuring the Gallery of Unfortunate Valentines? Fun. And sad. Anybody have any awful stories of things that happened to them on Valentine's Day? Why not share the embarrassment by telling us about it in our forum?
February 02, 2005
Gobbler's Knob
News from Punxsutawney: The groundhog has seen his shadow - meaning six more weeks of an excuse for not starting to exercise, fatty. Congratulations.
PLUS a Cap'n Classic: as an alternative to tonight's State of the Union, we remind you of our old, odd State of the Anthill.