The Cap'n's Log

Is Art Fleming still alive?

You know, it's difficult for a pop-bottle alien to come up with new and exciting ways in which to hate the moving pictures. Hence, this week's Zonar movie reviews.

Also, do you ever get so frustrated, so fed-up that the only thing to do is sit down and write a sternly worded letter to those who have wronged you? No? Me either. Takes too much time. I've got important TV to watch. Some, however like to do that sort of thing. Go figure.

We Built This City on Rock and Roll

Yes, yes, we all know you've been screaming for it.

*wait for it*

A new edition of Martin Balsam in Space, entitled "The Wonder of Space."

Here's to hoping his estate never finds this site.

Welcome.

This week, our new employee finally goes through his orientation.

Hey, did anyone else watch that "Apprentice" finale last night? Was anyone else freaked out when the walls opened up and the huge studio audience was suddenly there and it became the Donald Trump Game Show/Variety Hour? No?

Guess it was just me, then.

Also, as things warm up this weekend, maybe you can fire up the old grill.

Gentlemen, behold!

MODOK BORGNINE!

Bite off the head first!

Oh, that Zonar! Is there a movie he does like? No, of course not.

Also, in celebration of Jesus' birthday, we have the good ol' Boatload of Bunnies, with Unfortunate Easter Cards, photos from the company Easter egg hunt and much more. By "much more," we mean one other thing. That's it.

Anyway, enjoy the candy. Don't gorge too much.

Have you seen my keys?

Oh, man. I'm going to be late for work! I can't find my keys anywhere! I always hang them up right by the door, and they're not there!

Are they over here? In this month's Disgruntled Employee of the Month? Nope. I don't see them anywhere in there.

Wait, I had some groceries with me when I came home last night. Maybe I left them on the kitchen counter! NO! They're not there! Man, I'm going to get fired for this I just know it.

WAIT! What about the newest Flotsam and Jetsam feature, The State of the Anthill! Did I leave my keys in there? Nope, that's too full of hilarious comedy to fit in any keys.

Waitaminunte! I remember now! I was depressed last night about squandering my youth and exuberance and got really, really drunk and then started to think my car was full of mummies who wanted to eat me and that if I ate my keys I would somehow be safe from the mummies for reasons that are no longer clear to me. I guess it's true what they say: they're always in the last place you look. Silly me.