DUTIES: Directing relations with the public.

Ever want to dress up a pig to look like a princess? This job is a lot like that (not literally).

This position will communicate with the press and the public on behalf of Amalgamated Humor, Inc. It will be the successful applicant's duty to make the company look good, no matter what gaffes, mistakes, horrors, atrocities, or cardinal sins we commit.

Also, you will occasionally be required to dress up a pig to look like a princess (literally).

REQUIREMENTS: bachelors degree in communications or at least convincing us you have one.

Experience in horticulture a plus.

Sentient wooden puppets or others who display physical indications of telling falsehoods need not apply.

Giggly types need not apply.

Applicants must be proficient in evading, misleading, misdirecting, changing the subject, scapegoating, accen-tuating the positive, e-liminating the negative and flat-out lying.

During the job interview we will ask you to lie to us one time. If we don't believe you, you're out.

SALARY: commenserate with experience (between $18-75K. Seriously, though, it'll be on the bottom end of that spread, you can bet)