I'm still trying to figure out just what kind of company it is I'm working for here. Today's dual-holiday lineup has created an interesting comparison of events.
One the one hand, Mr. Brockie sprung for a truckload of Pazckis in celebration of Fat Tuesday (I haven't seen any of them get passed out yet, but they must be coming. I mean, it would be insane to think he might be keeping them all to himself as I've heard some of the other employees joke).
On the other hand, in celebration of Mardi Gras, head mailroom guy Gordy Schwartz has been walking all over the building with a neckfull of cheap plastic beaded necklaces and encouraging female employees to earn them "New Orleans style."
I just don't know what to make of this place yet.
Hello. Well, this is weird. I'm not really sure how to start this. You see, it's not something I really planned on or expected. Um... anyway. I guess I'll introduce myself. My name is Carter Winslow and this is my first day working for Amalgamated Humor, Inc. I just graduated from college in December with a degree in public relations and was recently hired for an assistant position here.
This morning I was receiving orientation from Mr. Gary Newbrunswick. He's my supervisor and the company's vice president in charge of public relations. Apparently he had some stress-related um, health issues, late last year and this managed to convince the company to get him some help. I don't know if I should really get into it here. I mean, they told me not to hold anything back, but I don't know how much they meant it. OK, let me explain:
I was in Mr. Newbrunswick's office while he was explaining his creative approach to how to use the company's health care flex spending account when a man burst into the office and shouted this word: "BLOG!"
The man, it turned out, was company co-president Mr. Brockie. He had a conversation with Mr. Newbrunswick that went something like this:
Brockie: Blog!
Newbrunswick: Good morning, Mr. Brockie.
Brockie: Yes, yes. Gary, blog!
Newbrunswick: It's very early still, sir.
Brockie: Gary, you know what the kids on the web-net are all hot about these days? Blogs! All the popular websites are blogs in which bloggers blog on their blogs about their lives. They hold nothing back, Gary! That's the key.
Newbrunswick: Right. Weblogs. I've heard of them.
Brockie: No, Gary. Blogs! Blogs! I saw something on the radio about it last week, and then I notice it keeps coming up in conversations and TV and stuff: blogs! Don't you see?
Newbrunswick: I think I'm missing a piece.
Brockie: Capnwacky.com needs a blog! That way we'll be hot with the kids, like The Spice Girls!
Newbrunswick: Well, sir. I'm sure we could get someone to set up a blog for you to write.
Brockie: Oh, no no. Not ME, Gary. I'm a busy man. I have a company to run here, I have a paddleball tournament to practice for, and with the wedding coming up I have no spare time. YOU do it.
Newbrunswick: Me, sir?
Brockie: Yes! Gary, get ready to blog!
Newbrunswick: I have a great idea, sir.
Brockie: About blogging?
Newbrunswick: Yes, sir. I think for the kids to really relate, we should get someone young to write the blog.
Brockie: Like a baby? Brilliant!
Newbrunswick: Actually, I was thinking my new assistant here could do it. He just graduated from college. He's... how old are you, Stuart?
Me: Carter.
Brockie: That's not an age. That's a map-maker.
Newbrunswick: Sorry, Carter. How old are you?
Me: 23, sir.
Newbrunsick: See?
Brockie: Well, he's no baby, but he'll do in a pinch. Can you blog, Carson?
Me: Uh...
Brockie: Hey, Carson. It's OK. I believe in you. You know that?
Me: Uh...
Brockie: Awesome. That's the can-do attitude you kids are famous for. Blog it up, blogger! Don't hold anything back, either. Tell the blog everything! Keep it the real.
Me: The real?
Brockie: Yeah! Keep it the real, dude!
Me: Uh...
Brockie: OK, I'm off on a donut run. Don't tell the boss!
And then he left. And now, apparently, I am a blogger. And here I am, blogging. There were times I wasn't really sure where 17 and ½ years of education were going to take me, but I never expected this.
Welcome to Amalgamated Humor. My name is Carter and I'll be your blogger.