Well, after last month's post about my co-worker's crazy little secrets, I heard about it from exactly none of them. I wasn't fired, I wasn't spoken to sternly, and no one even threw anything at my car (which really is kind of surprising considering that just happens about once every other week anyway).
Which I guess means all of my co-workers have completely forgotten about the existence of this blog or just don't care about reading it. It's kind of freeing in a way, because now I feel like I can just write about anything that happens here without fear of reprisal.
So:
Mr. Brockie was convinced, for reasons no one ever really understood, that Tickle Me Cap'n was going to be the hot toy last Christmas. This despite the fact that it's been AGES since the Tickle Me Elmo toy that it was obviously ripping off was the hot item. Also, while Elmo was a cute and cuddly fuzzy monster, Cap'n Wacky is a surly old man with a disturbing lazy eye. Also, the plastic used to make the toy was so cheap that it gave off fumes that burned off people's nose hairs.
So the cost of manufacturing millions of these future land-fill residents, added to the cost of advertising the heck out of them (which I don't really need to tell you if you were watching television, reading magazines, or visiting a public restroom last December) means we took a serious bath on this. It was not the biggest surprise of our lives when Dolly Saunders announced another round of layoffs at the start of the year. We even had to shut down seven plants-- three real ones and four which only existed on paper for tax purposes. While she was making this announcement, Mr. Brockie was vacationing at his Ostrich ranch in Wyoming.
So people are crying and packing up their cubicles and wondering where they're going to find another job and this is when my boss, Gary Newbrunswick, the V.P. of public relations, decides to start advertising that he needs a new secretary. This from a guy who is supposed to be good at smoothing over troubling publicity. Real sensitive, boss.
So the resumes start coming in, and I notice they all have pictures included. Not exactly normal. I look up the ads Gary placed and I see they say "resume must include headshot." I cannot even believe this. Further research indicates the ads were placed on the anniversary of Gary's last divorce. Coincidence? I don't think so.
Worst of all is, I kind of like Gary despite him being sort of a creepy shmuck, and I can already see this is going to lead to trouble for him. Real trouble. And despite my concern for him and my intense feeling of foreboding, I can tell you this: I'll keep you posted.
Oh, and head mailroom clerk Gordy Schwartz asked Gary if he could give him
the photos of all the rejected applicants, which is just creepy.